Safe Relocation for Victims of Domestic Violence and Violent Crime
The Color Purple
While eating breakfast one peaceful Saturday morning, I received an urgent call from a domestic violence advocate. Her client Cassandra* recently escaped a violent abuser by fleeing more than 700 miles to another state. Earlier that morning, Cassandra received an ominous text message from her abuser. “You look good in purple.” Cassandra was indeed wearing purple that morning.
Unfortunately, relocation is sometimes the only option for many victims of violent crime who face enduring and credible threats to their safety. However, in a world of “planes, trains, and automobiles,” simply running far away is sometimes not enough. For Cassandra’s abuser and many more like him, 700 miles or more is just a casual road trip away. In those instances, relocating while remaining hidden is critical.
There is No Privacy
Running away and remaining hidden is a steep challenge in the internet age. Our personal information is now collected and available “for free or fee.” Between online “information brokers” and the availability of internet-based background checks, your personal information is not private. Anyone can purchase detailed personal information about you for a small fee and a click of the mouse. However, because most of the material from where your information is gathered is from public sources, you might be surprised by how much of your information is available just by knowing where to search.
Unfortunately for those fleeing someone dangerous, your address is perhaps the easiest piece of personal information to acquire. And, by using free online tools such as Google Maps Street View and Google Earth, anyone can view your property, place of employment, and even your vehicles from the comfort of their laptop. In fact, a fairly sophisticated attack plan can be put together simply by using these common internet resources.
The internet is still a poorly regulated Wild West with little to no existing laws protecting your privacy. No stone is left unturned as information brokers mine your personal data from various public and private sources. Such sources include change-of-address records, criminal and civil court records, bankruptcy records, driving records, social media use, voter registration lists, consumer data, bank card transactions, healthcare records, census data, cell phone service, web browsing history, shopping habits, etc.
If you are trying to stay hidden, given the depth of personal information available, there is no shortage of mistakes you can make that will potentially expose your new location. The list of sources above is only partial, and each represents a potential vulnerability in your privacy. Knowing your potential privacy vulnerabilities and how to navigate them is key to staying hidden.
Doctor Visit Exposes Secret Location
Consider the case of Amanda*, a mother who relocated several states away from her dangerous and abusive ex-husband. Amanda relocated while wisely using some solid strategies to keep her new location private. Those strategies were working until her ex-husband added their son to his health insurance policy. Amanda recently became aware of the new policy and its horrifying implications for her safety after a recent visit to her son’s doctor. After the visit, the billing department automatically searched a database of available insurance coverage even though her son was already covered under another policy. Her ex-husband’s policy was found and invoiced. Because he is the policyholder, he now has access to the invoice which includes the location of the doctor’s office. At a minimum, the dangerous man she ran from now knows her general location.
Address Confidentiality Programs
Although putting some distance between you and someone dangerous is a sound safety strategy, distance is not enough to protect you from certain predators. Therefore, very specific planning should be undertaken before relocating to a new location. Once you have exposed a new location to public record it is virtually impossible to undo. One such step in your plan should be enrollment in your state’s Address Confidentiality Program.
Address Confidentiality Programs were created to protect victims of stalking, domestic violence, sexual assault, and other crimes. These programs offer a layer of protection against dangerous offenders who use public records to locate their victims. The program provides its clients with a substitute address for the receipt of mail. The client’s mail is then forwarded to their actual address. These programs help keep a victim’s address out of the public record and the databases that might be used to locate them.
According to the Stalking Resource Center, thirty-six states have address confidentiality programs. If your state does not have such a program, do not despair. The essentials of the program can be roughly duplicated with careful planning and the assistance of a professional.
Remember, the Address Confidentiality Program is one layer of protection, and by itself may not provide complete safety. If you are in danger and relocating for safety purposes, I strongly urge you to use the program in conjunction with a robust safety plan.
He’s Got A Gun!
Thankfully, I quickly connected with Cassandra that Saturday morning. I instructed her to immediately call law enforcement. She called 911 while I planned a mission to pick her up and transport her to a safe house. When authorities responded to Cassandra’s location, her abuser was spotted trying to blend in with pedestrians across a busy city street. He fled, and our brave men in blue pursued him. After a brief chase he was apprehended – but not before he attempted to ditch an illegal firearm.
You are probably wondering how Cassandra’s abuser located her. We determined that he installed hidden tracking software on her cell phone (commonly referred to as a “stalking app”). The app provided him with her exact location. Whether she fled seven-hundred or seventeen-hundred miles made little difference. There was no hiding from him as long as he had access to her phone and gas money.
Just One Mistake
When I recently interviewed Jane* to perform a risk assessment, I was relieved to learn of her enrollment in the address confidentiality program. Because she was still under threat, I wanted to verify that her location was still confidential. I performed a simple Google search and located her new address on the White Pages website. Needless to say, Jane was shocked and concerned.
However, I did not share Jane’s surprise at the bad news. I have seen confidential addresses exposed many times before. Address confidentiality programs are not a guarantee of secrecy. One single mistake, such as any disclosure of the new address to online merchants or even to simply receive a shipment can put you back on the map. We recommend to our clients that they not use the confidential address for any purpose when possible, and when disclosure is unavoidable, we have very specific recommendations for the handling of those situations. These situations will often arise when registering children for school, and with utility companies.
Cassandra, Amanda, and Jane all fled dangerous abusers and in each case made small mistakes that compromised their safety. Cassandra’s cell phone exposed her to immediate and grave danger. Jane apparently used her new address for some purpose that resulted in its publication on the internet. Amanda’s safety was compromised by a health insurance policy that she did not even know existed.
Cassandra’s story has a happy ending. After her abuser was apprehended and jailed, she fled to another safe location armed with a better understanding of how to remain hidden. For Amanda and Jane, safety challenges and the potential for danger lie ahead.
Seek Professional Help
Because relocating and remaining hidden from someone dangerous is a considerable challenge, a “do-it-yourself” approach is not advisable. Beyond the public record privacy issues I illustrated, children, family, friends, employers, and even your hobbies and habits can all work against your best efforts to stay hidden and safe. If you are in danger and considering relocation as a safety strategy, I strongly urge you to seek professional guidance – you may have only one chance to get it right.
If you’re a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault, human trafficking, stalking, or other violent crime and need to safely relocate, professional guidance is available for free. Contact PROTECTION FROM ABUSE at [email protected]
*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality
Myself and my daughter were moved 2;years ago but the child support department sent a receipt to him from the town I was in when he called to ask why his money was going that address they gave him my address they of course denied it
Thank you for sharing Keturah. Unfortunately, this is a story we hear all too often. That’s why we recommend working with a professional. There are many ways for your new address to be exposed. We sincerely hope and pray you and your daughter remain safe. If you need help with safety planning, please do not hesitate to contact us.
No help from Illinois. DHS has done nothing, they have been contacted on numerous occasions. Section 8 housing deliberately prolonging and refusing to finish (I have recordings of the conversations as everything has been submitted they ask for. DOJ has been contacted and nothing yet. This is a community involved in the abuse. I am not the only one, some family and friends are Victims. Attorneys from rock falls Illinois is involved and many more. Pritzker and mayor Johnson hiding something very big as the state has become a rights take-over state and staking claims of individuals and all assets.
E-mail should not be required. Everything I own has been hacked
When i fled last i got a po box several suburbs over and have a friend collect the mail i then arrange to meet for coffee at the shops to collect mail once a week.
The PO Box strategy does not provide comprehensive protection. Your change-of-address with the postal service is public record. And, you cannot use a PO Box for utilities, registering a child for school, division of motor vehicles, deliveries, etc. If you are hiding from someone dangerous, please consult with a professional to keep your location confidential.
I really need help getting out if Oregon my x has been hunting me the less to say an our new baby that he wanted an then set me on fire when i told him for month ive kept to myself an he still didnt stop ive moved 4 times an still found then beat an raped by one of his horrible friends did what my x told him to everytime he herd where i was but due to him telling on folks i can’t get away from hell ive bagged for help to move to where i know im safe am can start my happy healthy healing journey for my an my son an finely fight for my oldest after my x husband prenatal kidnapped my oldest baby i cant fight for him if im not safe i cant put him threw the horrible stuff i have i need to get from Oregon to Tennessee i have a house lined up just need my hud to transfer an a little help tell i start my new job any resources that really help an fast would ve so appreciated
Why does the victim need to do anything more? I’m so sick of all of this running, hiding, not being free to just survive death. Just to keep the children alive. This is not living. Time to kill the abuser.
I wish we had someone like you in England! I moved away already, he now knows the town I’m in due to “Public information” I am hoping to move again very soon… I just want to do it right this time.
Danielle I hope this information was helpful and gave you some things to think and plan for. Our vision is to be global, so with the right support, we will be in England! Please keep up posted about your efforts to stay safe! Take care.
Hi,
Can someone please call me.
I’m looking to be relocated due to Domestic Violence.
Call our hotline at 833-657-7683 for assistance.
I need help I’m hopeless
Ms. Elmore, we are very sorry to hear of your situation. Call our hotline at 833-657-7683 for assistance.
Ok
And where from their
what do you think of a name change?
A name change alone is not fully protective. If you desire guidance and assistance with protocols to remain confidential, Call our hotline at 833-657-7683 for assistance.
Thanks for all your stories about survivors. I can relate. And all your resources. God bless and keep up the good work.
maybe someday I’ll share my story.
I recently was relocated. My husband is attentively looking for me. He has a violent path. He has used the internet before to locate me. He is manipulating others to warn me he is looking for me.
i cant send emails or ask for help cause he monitors everything in everyway. hes an active gang memeber and threatens me everyday on what will happen to me if i leave. hes broken my chest plate messed up my back arm neck ive been bite punched spit on belittled and abused on more than one occasion . ive got a $4000 check coming into his aunts house and he tells me hes going to take it when it comes in the middle of september.thats all i have to get a new car to get away from him. im scared. what do i do? i have to rely on him for literaly everything.please do not email me back cause he will see it.i beg you please.comment on here illl find a way to ead it.
Ms. Jones, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, we cannot adequately guide or assist you via messages. I urge you to give our hotline a call from a safe phone and at a safe time and we can figure out a way to work on this issue together. Our hotline is 833-657-7683.
I want to know if you guys relocate and help with housing fir demestic violance victims
Call our hotline at 833-657-7683 for assistance.
I’m in a situation where I live with my abusive ex and his friend. His friend owns the house, I pay rent and I have my own room and my abusive ex keeps telling me he wants me out, he’s getting paperwork to get me out. Every day he says this to me. I Pay rent and have my own room and have paid rent for 6 years here. Do I have any rights? I don’t have any money at all saved up but I do work but it’s under the table. Can I get any help at all in this situation? When he needs money he becomes the old him and treats me nice and acts like he loves me and I fall for it every time.and wind up giving him money and sex and then when he doesn’t need me anymore the abuse starts again. He’s said to me “it’s only emotional abuse that’s not real abuse”. I need help please I can’t take it anymore
Do you have specific hours for the hotline or is it 24/7? After reading the relocation bit it said to contact you via email and I did, but haven’t heard anything back. It’s been a few weeks.
My children and I are not safe. My rapist was not indicted despite the evidence. I have a DVO for 3 years for sexual assault but they won’t enforce it and I been attacked 3 times since the DVO. We are homeless and need to get back to my family in the New England area. I am disabled and 2.of.my 3 children are also.
I am in crisis and my therapist group has been trying to get me extra therapy. I just want to get out of here I am but don’t have anywhere to officially go.
I’m petrified he’s going to find a way around the DVO and kill me
I am tired and just feeling that God has turned his back on me for allowing this monster to continue to taunt and hack me stalk me. I see why abused people give up. Feel powerless because of law enforcement and government officials. No regards for any one going through trauma,but the bully or abuser is celebrated. What a sad world this is. I am trapped in a city we’re there are people who stalk me a take money lie to me, and cause problems, when I say something it is a big deal. Well they had better get ready because I am going to keep speaking about everything that is being done to me. Evil psychopathic Nassissitic and Demonic characters. Never be brought to justice.
Why won’t dv services help if you don’t file a restraining order? I talked to a legal advocate and though I did seriously consider getting one, we decided it would put me in even greater danger until I could relocate because he found me. Yet the only DV place near me left me further isolated and more alone than ever by then refusing to help me and basically tried to force me into it. They aren’t me and they don’t know the full scope of what I’m facing nor the history OR who all he has enlisted that would not be on that protection order that would retaliate against me. Why do the police so easily believe the abuser over the victim and why don’t they do MORE when they are called? and when they are told NOT to return and do and are on parole WHY isn’t that enough? It is crazy to me that the victim is treated harshly by everyone involved. It is HARD to talk about. It is even harder to go in DETAIL especially once anyone in authority makes you feel small and insignificant. An all too familiar feeling. I am trying to protect myself and children and those who are suppose to HELP seem so uninterested in doing so that it’s hard not to give up, but I refuse to give in a mentality that caters to the very reason why abuse is so prevalent and keeps victims from coming forward and feeling worthy of help and sincere time and effort. I don’t know what it is going to take for men/women in the position to help to JUST HELP! It’s not hard. When I was in a position to help others I did so joyfully. OFTEN You can tell when someone is sincere and I had one sincere advocate and she helped us so much then one day they told me she was gone. Our lives spiraled. KNOW your impact. I have NO phone to call you now because they wouldn’t help me and things have gone so far. He takes them over. My car’s navigation, the anti-theft codes, the master codes have been changed and are being controlled, He made his own key fob. Nobody cares. I needed relocated 6 months ago. Now we are just trapped in this house. Barely able to leave. It’s no life.
It’s nearly impossible to find knowledgeable people in this particular topic, but you sound like
you know what you’re talking about! Thanks